Smells Like Love!

It was a wonderful way to begin a relationship. I was wooed outright. The compliments flowed. I was "Mr. Right." "We must talk." So I called and I wrote. But my calls weren't answered and my e-mails ignored. I realized I had once again been led on. A quick end to a promising romance? Nah, just another job I didn't get.

But love and job-searching are so similar. Ever been dumped for someone younger? It happens all the time when you're looking for work. Someone younger and cheaper, who can only afford the job because they still live with their parents, often gets the gig.

Once I had an ex complain that her current boyfriend (the one she dumped me for) couldn't do certain, um, things as well as I could. The same thing happens with jobs. I'm told "well she hasn't got the people skills or contacts you have." That's all well and good but she's the one who's working while I'm dipping into my retirement account to stay in my apartment.

And like potential lovers, employers have certain reputations. There was one exec who is known among my peers to talk up all sorts of projects that never come to pass. So I didn't get my hopes up all that high. But just like when you know the cheerleader is going to say no, it still hurts when you get turned down.

When you don't find love you can always turn to porn if you're a guy, and women have these wonderful battery-powered appliances or they get one of those little dogs. If you can't find work all you have is unemployment insurance and let me tell you, it's even less rewarding than porn.

People often ask how your love life is going and they always ask how the job search is going too. And just like they always make the most inane suggestions about who you should ask out ("that girl with the tattoos seems to like you") they have strange ideas about what you should be doing for a living ("you're tall, you'd be great at stacking shelves in a store).

People who know me know that I haven't done well at the whole looking for love thing and I fear that looking for work isn't going to be much better. At least the girl at the Stop and Shop register wished me a happy Valentine's Day.